Sunday, August 23, 2009

Divorce Boats

I was reading through the comments over on my other blog and someone left me the nicest compliment...

Anonymous wrote:

"So, I was thinking as I read over you blog.... your talents are entirely wasted. I know your 9-5 is not your dream job (as with many we do what we have to do to pay the bills) and that your love is cooking but you would be perfectly suited to be a motivational speaker. Cornball moment, by I am in awe of your ability to see things bigger than how they affect you, most people do not have the ability to look inside the way you do. I am inspired by you......"

I know I wanted my blogs to inspire people. Inspire people to act, think, choose... do something. But to read that I had done that still surprised me.

Little ol' me, college drop out... really? I think this is the nicest and most rewarding compliment I have ever received. Sometimes I feel like my positive thinking, glass half full perception of most things is lost on people or that they feel I am required to think that way because of my job title... IF they only knew.

For me It is much harder to go through life thinking/focusing on what's in the way...... and never figuring out how to get past it. "The only way out is through". I heard that great quote some where, and it's true. Surely we will be met with challenges in our lives. Wether it be work, family, school... something isn't going to go our way. We can't control what happens to us but we can control how we react to it. I am not a victim of circumstance.

I know, that paragraph was heavy with the platitudes but they really do make a lot of sense when you actually think about them. If I get lost in self-pity, self-doubt or sucked into the negative mindset I will never grow as person. I will never learn what I am truly capable of.

My husband and I went canoeing today. 7 miles down a winding river. They call these man propelled boats 'divorce boats' for a reason. We tried this once before and it ended badly (maybe because we tried it on Lake Erie, much more open space). Last night we promised we would be patient with each other. Half way through our 7 miles I was put in a 'time out'. I had to put my paddle down and just stop. For the life of me I couldn't get the damn thing to go straight. I was told I needed to 'anticipate the boats movement' better. WHAT, are you kidding me? Had I been given a damn steering wheel this morning would have gone much better. Instead of fighting, I said, maybe we should recognize that this might not be the best activity for our marriage. It never goes well, he ends up getting frustrated, although he was better this time around, and the fun is ruined because I feel like a dumb ass.

I realized that by saying this I had given up. I gave up? It is really nice to be on the water with my husband. Working together as a team to accomplish the goal, and I just threw in the towel because of my inability to anticipate the boats movement, this was getting in the way. Maybe I just need a different teacher. I know I could do it if I just had a little more practice.

So what... will I do? I will seek out a different teacher, learn how to steer the dang thing and push myself instead of giving up.

So what... is getting in your way? What action will you take to push through, grow, see things differently? I would love to hear about it.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Through the Good Times and the Bad...


Two weeks ago Logan decided to move out and live with his mother full time. It's been a very emotional and difficult few weeks and I haven't really known how to talk about it (or blog).

I find as I am trying to explain how we got to this point it's not that easy to explain.

Over the past 5 years I have learned a lot about split families. I am fortunate enough to have parents that are still married and I have never had to experience 1st hand two households growing up. Ryan, the same thing.

In joining this ready made family I have learned that there are two very different households. This has proved to be challenging for us as parents, so I have to imagine it's extremely difficult on the kids.

In every decision we make, mostly what battles to fight, we consider how it impacts the kids. Ryan and I ask ourselves, what are we teaching them, what are we showing them, are we being good role models, is this how we would want them to act in a similar situation. Essentially, as parents, we molding little members of society that will eventually be out on their own and the goal is to make sure we mold them into contributing members of society.

We encourage the kids to reach for the stars. If they want it, they can achieve it. The key word though is "they". We expect that they will put in the work necessary to achieve the goal/dream. Ryan and I will support and help the kids achieve their goals but we wont do it for them. We assist and support. They are both at the age where life after high school is fast approaching. Logan will be graduating next June. Repeat conversations have taken place regarding, "what are your plans"? If not college, then what?

Instead of making this entry about Logan and his decisions, I thought it best to ask for advice.

You can't force someone to want more for themselves so when they choose to be lazy, take the easy path, or not apply themselves or their skills, what do you do?